"But if there is evidence that a sting is motivated by anti-gay animus, that may represent a more troubling issue."Īt trial, Sanders said, police would have to prove that actions such as foot tapping were known signals for soliciting sex. "Citizens have a right not to confront lewd activity in public places," said Steve Sanders, a lawyer and gay rights activist. Griffith said that officers involved in such stings tend to be young and that anecdotal posts on his site indicate the local arrest rates increase around the time of elections or when media attention focuses on the issue.īecause much of the signaling is itself benign behavior, some gay rights activists and lawyers have admonished police departments for arresting men who have done little more than tap their feet. They may be meeting in public locations, but they will be as discreet as possible," Griffith said.Ĭruising areas traditionally have been those parts of town "women and children are told to avoid," but through word of mouth, bathrooms at places like Wal-Mart or Home Depot can become cruising locales, he said. The vast majority have no interest in being seen. They will see each other and usually decide to go someplace else.
"They will usually go to the stall at the far end of the strip of toilets. "Tapping of the foot is pretty standard for men who cruise in toilets," said Keith Griffith, owner of, a Web site on which visitors post locations popular with men looking for anonymous sex. In an effort to curb lewd acts in public - or as some gays argue, in an effort to persecute gay men - undercover police began sting operations in places known for sex soliciting and employed the same codes. Over time, people familiar with cruising told, gay men began using a codified system of signals to indicate to others that they were interested in sex. Public places like men's restrooms, in airports and train stations, truck stops, university libraries and parks, have long been places where gay and bisexual men, particularly those in the closet, congregate in order to meet for anonymous sex. Craig told reporters today that he did nothing inappropriate and said his guilty plea was a mistake. Those actions led to Craig's arrest by Detective Dave Karsnia and the senator's guilty plea to a disorderly conduct charge. Whether you act on them is up to you.Craig tapped his foot up and down and swiped his hand underneath the bathroom stall in which the undercover cop was sitting, according to the police report. Since you seem to feel no pressure, you can continue to enjoy the pleasure and heat your fantasies generate. If you find that you are struggling with a newly found interest in men (or their penises), a sex therapist or counselor may be able to help you better understand your fantasies and address your feelings in a more direct way. If you decide you want to act on your desires, you can take a look at the Related Q&As. And fantasies involving people you don't typically have sex with are normal many people have fantasies that they do not intend to act on. Having a fantasy about giving oral sex to someone of the same gender doesn't necessarily connote being gay, as you note. In your email, you mention that "guys don't turn me on at all" and that you don't "have any homosexual tendencies." It doesn't seem as if you're bothered by the fantasies rather, you are curious about them. In making fantasies real, be prepared to like it, hate it, be disappointed, relieved, indifferent, or have many other related feelings. You might omit the realities of mosquitoes, sand where it doesn't belong, sunburns on "tender" areas, the pesky hermit crab that might crawl into your discarded swimsuit, etc. Say for instance, you find yourself daydreaming about sex on the beach. Sometimes idealized fantasies, however, are more pleasurable than the real-life activity. If something you fantasize about, such as performing oral sex on another man, really turns you on, you can decide to keep it in the realm of fantasy or you may decide it is something you really want to do. Often the fantasy of breaking social taboos is erotic. Using fantasy or imagination, you can break away from the "norm" for a while.
In your thoughts and dreams, you can be more aggressive or more passive, in the setting of our choice. Sexual fantasies allow you to explore sexual desires, feelings, and behaviors without actually choosing to do them. Whether or not a person has the ability or actual desire to do these is often secondary to the escape and joy that fantasy provides. Or they may dream about playing sports with a pro, having lunch with a senator, or even hooking up with a celebrity. People may daydream about being James Bond or a Charlie's Angel, a rock star, and/or a famous chef, for example. Fantasies are a great, safe way to explore exciting events and situations - that you may or may not actually want to do.